First Show Appearance: To Mock a Killing Bird Played by: Martin Morrow
If there is a party, bridal shower, funeral, or social gathering of any sort - THE NOINCH IS GOING TO CRASH IT. Heir to the Van der Van fortune, The Noinch is the ultimate party animal, The Noinch thrives off of booze and babes. When he gets rejected, it's always OK because he has His Girl (no other known name). The Noinch graduated from The University of Alabama, Connecticut in 2007 and still rages as a charter member of Alpha Lambda Persei 8, an intergalactic fraternity that you nerds wouldn't understand. Born of German descent but raised by Dominicans in the richest of neighborhoods, the ultimate in bashing has plans to run for Republican Senate...but after this drink. The Noinch heard there's a class reunion going down of some people he doesn't really know but this party might end with a keg stand...of death.