First Show Appearance: George Foreman presents ETC Cruise! Played by: Mike Cunliffe
Nigel Caruthers is an aging British actor and the only member of the Royal Shakespeare Company to never finish an entire play on stage, either showing up late drunk from the night before, or leaving early to "beat the rush to the bar." He used to party with Peter O'Toole and Richard Harris, but they stopped calling because "his drinking started getting out of hand." Nigel has had scandalous affairs with numerous women, including Judi Dench, Margaret Thatcher, and Eleanor Roosevelt. It is rumored he is the real father of Prince Harry, Suri Cruise, and one of Angelina Jolie's twins.